Hi again. I've been having a great summer. Summer really loses some of its luster when you leave school completely; you have to go to work everyday, it just gets hotter outside. However, it has been my experience these past few years that summer still has some of that same old magic, even as life slips into a new routine (one that doesn't involve playing soccer and sardines in the street. "Car!... game on."). Summer nights, sweaty bike rides, getting a little smelly, feeling strangely natural with your skin constantly moist from lack of air conditioning. I love it. I generally say that autumn and early winter are my favorite seasons, but that may be something I just tell myself before seasonal affective disorder sets in and my body starts screaming for some sushine.
Anywho, I've had a good run of weekends. The past couple months, every weekend has been so fun. I'm not sure when it will end. It doesn't have to end, but the likelihood that things will continue uninterrupted as they are is definitely zero. This realization is nothing new on my part. It's the same old worry; worring about nothing, about things that haven't yet happened that I have no control over. However, what is new, is the idea that I don't want to be in flux today. This is probably a good sign, I must be somewhat content. I was just sitting in my backyard, with my cat, and I thought, "what if I just stayed here for a while?" Well, I'll tell you what: I'm losing my job. (It'll be okay.) Our beloved family dog was recently put down. Two of my housemates are getting married (to each other!!! exciting!). Friends are moving to other cities (but they're here now...!). And so on. It's life.
I don't think that I do actually just want to sit here. However, life has a way of setting a pace that I cannot readily adjust to. And that's fine. I am beginning (on a teensy small scale)accept the impermanence of everything and that it's all okay. Even if it makes me unhappy sometimes. It also makes me happy sometimes. That job that I had that I hated when I was twenty years old, sure glad that was not permanent. Or heartbreak, or disappointment, or yada yada.
These weekends can't last forever, my housemates will eventually move away, people that I'm accostomed to enjoying on a semi-regular basis will get jobs in other cities, sometimes far away, people will get married, have babies, people will die. People will die? Is that what I just said? Again? Hey, I'm not the decider here.
I always remind people (and myself) of that. Not intentionally. What a bummer. I had coffee with my mom earlier today and she mentioned that it was going to be my nana's 70th class reunion. My reaction was that I dread the day when I have to get used to most of my friends and family beginning to pass away. At that age they begin to consolidate the graduating classes because they keep shrinking.
Anyway, I'm very lucky. You have to have something to be afraid of losing it. And I'd been kicking rocks for awhile. So in the words of al green,
"Don't look so sad I know its over
But life goes on and this world keeps on turning
Let's just be glad we have this time to spend together
There is no need to watch the bridges that were burning"
I'm so emo. That's still a thing, right? Another thing, I don't know how to work apps, I don't know Justin Bieber, google+ frightens and confuses me. I'm just a 20th century girl, trapped in a 21st century world. grow. change. vinyasa. hot tub time machine.
No comments:
Post a Comment