Today I want to talk about the terrible spectre of loneliness. Jokes! I'll get there.
Last night I got to visit with one of my dearest friends, Meg, who moved to Germany this past year. Meg is teaching english and living with her very nice german boyfriend, Matthias. I met Meg in college; through a mutual friend we became housemates when we transfered to university from community college. We eventually worked together, and also had many classes together, as we had the same major (except she was a double major and also studied German). Needless to say we became pretty close and sometimes really, really annoyed each other.
Meg is hilarious, loyal, yada yada yada, super cool and I love her. However, in talking about how awesome she is, I'm going to move on to a more depressing subject, because that's how I roll.
I feel like people often live smaller lives as they get older, sometimes become increasingly isolated... if you are a part of an intentional community like a housing co-op or a church (alas, I'm not religious) this may be less of the case, but as I get older things seem to be super in flux, and while the relationships remain, the physical presence of certain loved ones in my life is less so. Life! Ah well.
I'm very lucky and surrounded by great people most of the time. However, things have changed. I have two friends who live with each other and are besties, and I think longingly of college when I hear that they have matching hats that they wear when they decided to smoke weed and get silly. Now, I would prefer not to smoke, but I would like someone to wear a matching hat with.
Meg and I, as lady best friends sometimes do (maybe fellas as well, but it doesn't seem so to me), had a best friend's inside joke book that we called, "the bible". In it was shared experiences, memories, general silliness. Last night she picked me up at my house, and I was laughing almost immediately. We hung out at her sister's house, and then I decided I was hungry at 10:30 at night, and we went to the store and joked that we were acting like we were high (so much talk about weed. we weren't)because we were giggling and getting too excited about seeing "perfect food bars" on the shelf, and filled our arms with snacky, munchy foods.
You know, I'll say it again, I'm lucky. Throughout my life, I've gotten close to many people over the years, and have had these moments in time where I got to be especially close to a friend. Then things shift, you're still close, but you don't spend all of your time together. I have in the past tried to make boyfriends that person, but in that case there's the special danger of co-dependence and losing yourself in a romantic relationship (and driving the other person crazy/away. overshare?). Probably not always, but I think it takes more practice for some (me). I think that my sister would be down to hang out all the time, and cook and laugh and etc, but we keep living in other states. Bummer.
At this point, I worry that this sounds like a sad, lonely blah blah that is a time and enjoyment suck. I woke up at this morning and walk/ran to the train station (further from Meg's sister's house than I was thinking. sleepiness!) and then walked from the train station to my house. So I had some thinking time. Meg's sister is an attorney in my office and could have given me a ride to work, but I accidentally washed a contact lens down the drain last night/wanted to take a morning constitutional/see my cat. That's right, my cat. I embrace it. I am not, nor will I ever be a sad cat lady. You have to be sad to be a sad cat lady. I may be unmarried forever, but I think that having an animal to care for is good for most people. Levon is a great comfort and joy to me. And when I get the blues... she's great. Anyhow, I have to change for work, but I let me say that I am pretty happy about opportunitities to see my loved ones.
Gah!
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